In case you missed our article last week, here’s a quick synopsis: we set our sites on the presidential debates, threw our thoughts into a big pot, grabbed a giant stick, and stirred.

We thought we were being both amusing and canny. But if comments are to be trusted, a great many of our readers turned on their fans and threw their opinions at the whirling blades in an effort to express themselves.

It got ugly.  

But hey, that’s what makes this country great, right? Freedom of speech and the ensuing ability to express ourselves in the light of opposition. And, if current polls are to be trusted even a little bit, we’re living in a time of great divisiveness as well as a time of extraordinarily revived enthusiasm for engaging in heated discourse.

Or, put more succinctly, everyone’s itchin’ for a fight.

So come Nov. 7, when everyone awakens bleary eyed to either a decisive victory or an extended recount or a newer and shinier version of the hanging chad debacle, what are we going to do?  

We’ve come up with a brilliant idea. Why not get agitated and vitriolic over topics beyond the political arena? And why wait for Nov. 7? After all, the debates are over, and we need something to do. 

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Herewith, we propose a few topics to get the blood flowing and the gastric juices gurgling upward. We can’t think of any reason to calm down, take it easy, or just feel groovy. The doctors all say it’s good to keep the heart rate elevated for at least 30 minutes each day, so why not bump into someone the next time you’re in line at the coffee house and start in on a topic that is sure to draw ire. Let this be your online primal scream for the day. It’s downright patriotic.

Consider us your tour guides for nonpartisan topics, conversation starters or simple statements sure to get a rise at nearly any dinner party, checkout line or family function.  

• Lance Armstrong: Tainted victor or cheating louse? Should he really be stripped of his medals? Why can’t he just strip?
• Tattoos: Okay, some of us have lost the battle with our kids, but can we take adults seriously when they get their first tattoos after their 40th birthdays?
• Eating: Gluten free if you’ve got Celiac. Otherwise, eat the damn bread. 
• Yoga: It’s an exercise, not a religion. 
• Adult dating: Men- date age appropriate women. Women- date women.
• Sharrows: Why can’t the bikers and the drivers be friends?
• Lululemon: Why pay less when you can pay more? (Note: the authors are divided on this topic.)
• Cell phones: Hang-up if you’re driving or if you’re with living, breathing people. This shouldn’t even be controversial. We just can’t resist saying it again.
• Newsweek: Going out of print. Who cares?
• Choice: Don’t be silly. We’re talking about Snickers or Milky Way. It’s almost Halloween after all.