The Art of Forgiveness: Tips to Find Inner Freedom

Few years ago, I experienced the most incredible feeling of my life.

In my meditation, I became a tree with a thick and strong trunk and beautiful canopy. As I became one with the tree, my arms and fingers turned into branches that enveloped the whole earth in one embrace. As I was experiencing this uplifting feeling of belonging and becoming, I felt a complete oneness with all that was “me” and my surrounding. Instantly, I became one with all that ever hurt me in some way and there was no more sorrow: There was nothing to forgive because I was in total integration with the whole, including the pain, and in that moment I learned how to forgive.

Forgiveness is an art, a potential alive in all of us. But just as the acorn as the potential of becoming an oak tree, not all acorns become one. Unused, forgiveness is like an atrophied muscle that never develops for useful exercise.

I feel that it is appropriate to talk about forgiveness, as April is the month when we remember what “ultimate sacrifice” means, as well as celebrate Earth Day.  All of us, at one time or another have been wronged, hurt, misunderstood or maybe some of us have been even abused.  On the same token, all of us caused pain to others, consciously or unconsciously. 

I want to offer few ways to view forgiveness to achieve inner freedom from anger, disappointment, confusion and frustration.  None of us can feel free until we learn one of the hardest lessons in life: forgiveness.

You can do it: Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. It is the attribute of the strong.”  We are inclined to believe that we will be viewed as weak if we choose to forgive. Because forgiveness happens by choice, we show ourselves how strong we are when we make the choice. We reaffirm the ability we possess to make empowering choices guided by love and compassion for others. We show ourselves how huge your hearts truly are.   

Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves: The truth is that by forgiving others, we give ourselves the biggest gift of life: To live free of negative emotions that bring down our self esteem, happiness and health. The more we learn to love ourselves, the less need we have to hold on to destructive thoughts of anger, resentment or even hate. The person we want to forgive doesn’t need to know our intention. Forgiveness is not contingent on letting the other person know how we feel. Forgiveness is an internal process.  

Be creative: Forgiveness is an act of imagination that allows us to use our creative power to come up with new ways to view the world. The more we allow our creative juices to flow freely, the easier it is to become more mindful of the present moment without the need to reminisce life from a negative perspective. When our hearts are heavy, we can’t make sound choices. 

You are not a victim: Holding on to negative emotions has a negative impact on our overall attitude and results in life. Being unable to forgive keeps us in the victim mode and it’s a sign of giving our power away to others. Paradoxically, the minute we take responsibility as co-creators of our life, we instantly influence the way others respond to us. 

Born free: The ability to forgive is our birthright. We deserve t0 live free from the burden of heavy emotions to create the life we were called to live. Inability to forgive keeps us in inner struggle. Living in the past keeps us away from exercising our forgiveness birthright.

A good way to start the forgiveness process is to create a meaningful ritual that brings peace and serenity in the end. If you may, write a letter by hand to the person you want to forgive. Say everything you want to in the letter, as the person will never see its content.

Maybe you have to forgive your parents, maybe a sibling or a coworker. Pour out your heart in this letter, having in mind that the intention is to forgive, let go and be free. Then, go somewhere in nature and dig a hole and bury the letter, acknowledging that you let all your pain and sorrow drain into the earth.

Tell yourself and the person, “I am done. Now I’m free!”