The Language of Love and Gratitude

Love and gratitude are intricately related to each other. Love is the emotion or the feeling and gratitude is the action. Love remains a feeling only if we have not evolved emotionally. Without showing how we feel and what we feel through the expression of gratitude, our love cannot grow roots in the heart of the other. We live busy lives, sometimes totally absorbed by the mundane rituals of taking care of ourselves and those around us the way we know best, not knowing if our expression of love and gratitude is understood by the people we care about.

Lately, I was blessed with the opportunity to do meaningful work with seniors in nursing homes. The experience humbles and touches me to the core of my being. These people, mostly women way into their 90s, are teaching me how to live in the moment and extract the last drop of happiness in spite of the surrounding I am in with them. Nursing homes are not paradise. As a society and as individuals we are trying so hard to create some sense of normalcy, but the crude reality is that a nursing home is the final step before the resting place. 

Every week, a new person I became close to dies. And yet, they will live forever in my heart through the sacred moments we have created together. I am truly grateful for the lessons learned from these incredible people representing the “golden generation” that lived through the Great Depression and World War Two. Incredible people, caring themselves with dignity and pride, yet vulnerable and totally dependent on other people’s mercy. 

I once asked one of them, “What’s the most important thing in life?”  In a soft spoken tone, she answered, “Be happy always with what you have, life can always change around!”  When someone that lived almost a century says that, I must stop and take notes. She made me think about all the times when I took life for granted along with the people I didn’t know how to appreciate enough. I felt sorry I didn’t know any better at that moment. But now I do! Do I show enough gratitude to the people that are always there for me? Do I take for granted when someone goes out of their way to accommodate me in some way?

I’ve decided not to let one day pass without showing appreciation and gratitude to the people that mean something to me. I will acknowledge their effort and not let it be in vain. I will use kind words, tokens of appreciation or a smile to let them know how much they mean to me. It is said that attitude is a result of gratitude. Then, I will cultivate more of it until my cup flows over, spilling to every corner of my heart and soul.

According to experts, there are five “languages” of love and gratitude that humans understand. We each communicate our emotions differently and we expect others to respond in a way that we feel honored. In relationships, problems occur when the parties involved speak a “love language” foreign to the other.

The love and gratitude languages that we humans understand and respond to are as follows:

• Words of affirmation
• Quality time
• Receiving gifts
• Acts of service 
• Physical touch

It is imperative in a relationship that both partners know each other’s love and gratitude language.  If “words of affirmation” is my primary love language and my partner’s is physical touch, we will always misunderstand each other. 

Through my life experience, I have learned that love cannot remain a feeling. The displays of gratitude are actions meant to make the people in our lives feel important. When people feel important, they give more, they become more, they honor the other more. Let’s not be stingy with showing love and gratitude! 

Learn your partner’s love language and respond accordingly. Maybe we can further learn our co-workers' love languages and make them feel important the way they like to be honored.  This is a sure way of making a difference in other people’s lives.       

Love unlocks the heart, and gratitude opens us to the fullness of life. My old friend was right, “Be happy with what you have, life can always change around!”  So, let’s show appreciation for the smallest things in life: for the air we breathe, for the eyes we have to read our favorite books, for the sun that gives us light. 

Keeping a “Gratitude Journal” is an easy, yet profound way to teach our brain a new way of seeing the world. Rewiring our brain to show more gratitude is a worthy endeavor. Not only do we improve our relationships with others, but feelings of love and gratitude have the potential to create more physical health in our bodies. Gratitude opens the door to contentment, joy and happiness, feelings that have that potential to completely change the chemistry of our brain without medication. 

If attitude is a result of gratitude, than what are we waiting for? Our sense of gratitude impacts our attitude; our attitude impacts all areas of our lives. Expressions of love and gratitude go a long way. Salute the Divine in the people you love and appreciate by speaking their love and gratitude language. Honor them with your gifts of love. Don’t let one day pass by without making a point of telling them how much you care. Show it through the language they understand.  With infinite love and gratitude, I salute the Divine in you.