The Mom Job

Have you seen those “How Much Is Mom Worth?” articles that seem to appear every Mother’s Day?

The mom salary is calculated by listing tasks from Chief Cook to Bottle Washer and multiplying the average pay for these jobs with the estimated number of hours spent performing these tasks each week. I’m sure they aren’t meant to be funny, but I find them hilarious. 

The “mom jobs” listed are simple tasks. They are not “the mom job," which is to raise the next generation to be kind, capable and responsible people.

Washing dishes? There’s no skill in that. Anyone tall enough to reach the sink can stand there and scrub.

The real mom job regarding dishwashing is getting those who are now tall enough to do the dishes to actually do them. 

By the time I’ve finished conversations about responsibility and contributing to the family team, nagged and debated every semi-plausible excuse as to why the dishes can’t be done, I could have easily just washed them myself. That, though, isn’t the job we moms are here to do. 

Party planners, chauffeurs, personal shoppers and boo-boo kissers? Mere pastimes. Our medical skills become so keen that we can diagnose ailments and injury faster than a doctor or an X-ray. Moms are also defense attorneys, prosecutors and have to choose their battles like the best of army generals, knowing when to fire the missal and when to retreat.

Why aren’t any of these jobs on the list?  

Moms have the ability to act as human lie detectors while simultaneously smell spoiling milk three rooms away. We can hear key words in whispered conversations without bionic ears and are able to speed read just remembered documents as we are heading out the door.

How much do superheroes earn per hour? I don’t know. They’re not on the list. 

Maids and homework helpers? Please. The best crime scene clean-up crews don’t have a mom’s experience in stain removal. “Helping” with homework takes on new meaning when your daughter’s big blue eyes are dripping tears onto an accelerated trigonometry book and your last experience with math involved an algebra class that required three attempts to pass 25 years ago.

We moms are the finders of all lost things and the fixers of all things broken, hearts included.

Whether we are cheerleaders raising our children to new heights or bending over to lift them after a fall, our strength never falters, no matter how high the toss or how deep the hole. How about we also add private investigator, handywoman, psychologist and olympic athlete to that list? 

The article that made me laugh calculated a mother’s worth at $61,426.00 a year. Even though I do it for free, I’d put it somewhere closer to priceless. 

Wishing all of my fellow chief cooks and bottle washers the happiest of Mother’s Days.