Domestic Violence Victims Can Find Help Here

When someone comes to and says they think they might be a domestic violence victim, the staff first listens, then reaches out to help the person decide what to do about it.

That’s important, said Eric Lanzl, a social worker who works with domestic violence victims.

“The therapy we do is to help the person make the best decision for their own situation, with help and some resources," he said.

Domestic violence victims – who are mostly, but not exclusively women – who come to Niles Family Services are offered the opportunity to work with an advocate at the Cook County courthouse to get an emergency restraining order, Lanzl said.

Such orders can be quite complex and detailed, covering issues such as who gets to live in the couple’s home and whether the accused abuser can have contact with any children in the relationship.

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Lanzl, who recently took 40 hours of training about domestic violence, along with another Niles Family Services counselor, said it’s important for people to understand exactly what they are talking about.

For his purposes, domestic violence is defined as “a pattern of physical and psychological abuse, threats, intimidation, isolation or economic coercion used by one person to exert power and control over another person in the context of a dating, family or household relationship.”

When that definition was written by Joy Wright of the Chicago Metropolitan Battered Women’s Network in 1998, she included the statement that domestic violence is “maintained by societal and cultural attitudes, institutions and laws which are not consistent in naming this violence as wrong,” although Lanzl said that has changed some in recent years.

Lanzl said it’s hard to quantify how many domestic violence sufferers Niles Family Services works with. Many receive information, but they may or may not choose to follow up and come in for counseling.

The problem, however, is widespread. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, one in four women will be a victim of domestic violence at some point in her life.

Counseling can be valuable for people caught in a cycle of abuse, Lanzl said, in which the abuser builds up stress for a period of time, then explodes, then begs forgiveness and promises to change before the cycle starts up again.

“Some women go through this cycle many times before they are ready to leave,” Lanzl said. “Some women leave and then go back. Some women, it happens once and they are out of there.”

If the victims do decide to leave, Lanzl and another social worker who is trained to work with domestic violence victims help them come up with a plan to ensure their safety. They might plan to go to a relative’s home, or a neighbor’s, or even a domestic violence shelter, although shelter beds are hard to come by. There are 112 beds in domestic violence shelters in Cook County, and many of them will not accept children older than 12.

“The most dangerous time for a woman who is a domestic  violence victim is when she leaves,” Lanzl said. “Abusers want a lot of power and control, and by leaving, the woman takes that power and control from them.”

The idea that it is easy for domestic violence victims to simply get out of the situation is one of the most persistent, Lanzl said.

“People often say, ‘Why doesn’t she just leave?’” he said.

But often victims are financially dependent on their abusers, and will put themselves and their children through great hardship by leaving. Often, there are still emotional ties as well. Victims of men in high profile positions in the community – say, police officers, prosecutors or judges – are afraid they will not be believed.

Indeed, for years, the law enforcement and judicial systems treated domestic violence as a family problem, not as a crime with serious repercussions, Lanzl said. That has improved in recent years, and Niles police – along with members of many other police departments – carry information about domestic violence and resources. This information is available to give to victims in all domestic calls.

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