The Secret to Finding Happiness

Corina Andronache is a transformational life coach passionate about helping people create a whole new meaningful life in order to create a whole new sustainable world.

I find it difficult to talk about happiness, when for some of us, our daily lives are a crude combination of various levels of despair and an amalgam of highs and lows and everything in between the spectrum of ecstasy and suffering. Some of us cling on to a fabricated definition of happiness, hoping that today and every day will be made of more happiness than sadness, more moments of exaltation than fear of loosing sight of hope and peace. And so I used to live my life. 

My early years were filled with much unhappiness, much pain and much I had to let go of in order to survive. Eventually, I grew up. After four decades, I realized that my life was not working. I was tired of living on various levels of high and low desperation and clinging to any moment of outer happiness I could find. I was emotionally bankrupt, lost in the forest of the Unknown on the Land of Sorrow. I decided to find my way out. And I did.

The labyrinth of my life transformed in the open plains where I could finally see the horizon and the sun rising in the morning and setting every night. The flat line in my life disappeared, making way for happy clouds and invigorating rain. And I was saved. 

My new life began in 2005. Now, in 2011, I look back at my “previous life” and I wonder: How did I ever live my life clouded by ignorance and darkness? My so-called “life” had no map to guide my path, no compass to show me the Nordic Star, no one to hold my hand. Like the underground mole, I lived by instinct, intuition and an unhealthy ego that only knew how to hide behind its own shadow. That, however, is the past.    

Now, in the present, I live a different life. Life is still life with all its moments of uncertainty and unpredictability. The only constant that changed is myself. But to be correct, I have not changed. My perspectives about myself in relation to the world are what have changed. In the process, I have learned to discover, develop and dare to live my life outside the box I was in for the past four decades. I broke the shackles of cultural, social and antiquated personal dogma, and I kept only what was serving the new “me.” At the end of the road, I found the freedom I was looking for. The happiness I only heard being talked about in books or movies.   

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere," says Agnes Repplier. According to the author, we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place. It is not easy to find happiness within our inner landscape, and it is impossible to find it outside of ourselves. What are we to do, when happiness seems to be the highest value—an end in itself sought after from the dawn of civilization by the human race, yet so elusive and hard to get by?

Well, there is hope. The quote above tells us that it is impossible to find it outside of ourselves. So, let’s stop looking out there and begin refocusing our attention inward. She says it is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, but she is not claiming that it is impossible.  The question that arises right from the start at the beginning of the quest to find happiness is a simple question: “Do you want to be happy?” You would be surprised how many people unconsciously choose to stay unhappy for a long time. When unhappiness is all you have ever knownm and you never experienced true happiness and freedom, you don’t even know what to wish for. I was there myself for a long time. I had a hard time to know what I wanted if I never had it before.

In my own journey to find inner peace, freedom and happiness I have discovered many things about myself and what made me a prisoner of my own mind and circumstances. In the next few paragraphs, I want to lay down a simple map for you to guide you in your own journey towards finding your own happiness and your own truth.

This map is the same for all of us. What is different is the content that we find at each step. Because we all had different life experiences and were born with different tendencies, the course for the events occurring in our lives developed as a way of pushing us into learning the lessons we are meant to learn in this life.

The secret lies in the power of the three D’s: Discover. Develop. Dare.  

DISCOVER. Discover stands for digging deep beneath the surface of your pain and seeing what’s there at the core of who you are. Just like an archaeologist, uncover the pieces of your life that are not working and become aware of what happened that caused the unhappiness you are experiencing. The secret here is to let go of preconceived ideas you have about yourself and life and break free from the box you have created for yourself. Analyze the events occurring in your early life and put them in their proper perspective that is helping you let go of anger, disappointment, resentment or guilt and make peace with the past by forgiving those that have hurt you and yourself for not knowing a better way of being in the world.

DEVELOP. Develop strands for developing new attributes that support your quest towards finding your truth and happiness. Start with evaluating your self-image and work your way up into developing more self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth and self-love. When our past was impregnated with so much pain, unconsciously we develop an attitude of self-loathing from which all actions in our lives branch out.  The secret here is to replace self-loathing with unconditional self-love.  When we learn to fall in love with ourselves all over again, than the real "us" begins to slowly emerge from under the pile called “life.”

DARE. Dare stands for being bold to bring out into the world the best version of the new “you.” Have no fear to show to the world who you are and allow your true colors to shine. You have been in hiding for way too long. It is time! It is time to let the world know what you are made of and allow the new found gifts and talents take root at the core of who you are. After all, they were inside of you all along. Dare to change the world, and dare to respond to what you were called to do for the betterment of us all. Dare to make your contribution to the world and share with others how you have transcended your past and re-created a new future. Dare to show the world the way to happiness. 

The ultimate secret to happiness is to transcend the past and live a life of contribution for others. In the process of helping others discover their own truth our hearts and souls are filled with so much fulfillment that there is no room for suffering anymore. From my own lessons, we cannot attach a price tag to the happiness and joy we experience when we let our own light shine upon others.  Being of service to the world is the ultimate happiness.  Yet, we cannot be of service to others until we discover and develop the best version of ourselves. We must first heal within if we want to make the world a better place. 

So, dare to discover and develop the best of who you are. You are born to be happy. Claim it. It is yours if you really want it.